D.W.I (Dating While Insecure)

As a young child, I remember being confident and self-assured.  I was often told by my parents that I was beautiful, intelligent, and gifted.  But, unfortunately, my confidence began to decline once I hit my teenage years.  Looking back, it’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly what led to my tarnishing self-esteem.  However, I suspect that the media’s depiction of beauty took a toll on me.   At that time, the image of beauty that I often saw portrayed in the media was curvy lighter complexion women (the complete opposite of me).  These images began to infiltrate my mind and wreak havoc on my self-esteem.

Merriam-Webster defines insecurity as being, “not confident in yourself or your ability to do things well: nervous and uncomfortable.” The “nervous” and “uncomfortable” descriptors were definitely me back then.  It’s funny though, because I would have never described myself as insecure.  Instead, I would have shrugged off that label and attributed my inhibitions to my shyness or reserved personality.  However, as I reflect, I am now able to see that I was indeed insecure.  And that insecurity lasted throughout my college years.  

As a matter of fact, some of my most foolish mistakes are centered around my insecurities.  One in particular involves me entering the world of dating while being self conscious. I was regrettably a partaker in D.W.I (dating while insecure)! Dating with unresolved insecurities can lead you into dangerous territories.  It can put you in vulnerable states in which people can prey on those insecurities and use them to control you.  When we are not confident and self-assured, we are more susceptible to being adversely influenced by the opinions of others, as well as, the tactics of the enemy.  

A few years ago, I dated a man who frequently made negative remarks about my clothing.  Prior to meeting him, I actually liked the way I dressed.   Yet, after a while, I noticed that I became increasingly uncertain about my sense of style.  I allowed his opinions to influence the way I presented myself.  These small comments about my clothes impacted my self-image and decision-making.  This situation caused my insecurities about my appearance to grow deeper.  This is a prime example of how insecurities work.  They feed off one another and continue to poison your mind.  As a result, you end up attached to the opinions of others, seeking affirmation.  Their thoughts become your identity.

Oftentimes, insecure people don’t recognize their value.  Therefore, they end up being linked to people who do not mean them well.  Commonly, their insecurities imprison them and keep them stuck in toxic relationships. I know this, because I was once this person.

But, here I am today, a reformed insecure person.  I have allowed myself to be single for a while.  During this season of singleness, I have taken time out to get to know God on a deeper level.  I can happily report that this is one of the best decisions I ever made.  Through studying God’s word, I was able to internalize His thoughts about me (Jeremiah 29:11).  I was able to trust His word and believe that I am the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8)…a prized possession (James 1:18)…wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  I was able to identify and utilize the gifts He has blessed me with (which includes creating this blog).  Through one-on-one time with The Lord, I was able to experience His perfect and faithful love.  I was able to see that despite my faults, I am still cherished by the Creator of the universe.  

Sure, I have plenty of imperfections.  However, God lovingly reveals my flaws to me, not to chastise me, but to correct me.  And for that, I am forever thankful.  My experiences with the Father have taught me that our imperfections don’t have to become our insecurities.  So, before settling down with someone, get to know you…get to know God… allow yourself time to grow and mature.

The Lord has confirmed that I am outwardly beautiful.  But more importantly, He revealed to me my inner beauty.  Now that I know who I am in Christ, I am not letting anyone or anything chip at my self-esteem ever again.  So, when “Mr. Just Right For Me” enters my life, I will be ready.  I will be able to confidently stand next to him and be the woman God has designed me to be.  I will be able to use my gifts to add to his life and he will be able to do the same. 

But, in the meantime, I am confident enough to wait for who I deserve.  I am now secure enough to know that with or without a man, I am whole…I am loved…I am cherished. No more D.W.I. for me!

#BreakOut