D.W.I (Dating While Insecure)

As a young child, I remember being confident and self-assured.  I was often told by my parents that I was beautiful, intelligent, and gifted.  But, unfortunately, my confidence began to decline once I hit my teenage years.  Looking back, it’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly what led to my tarnishing self-esteem.  However, I suspect that the media’s depiction of beauty took a toll on me.   At that time, the image of beauty that I often saw portrayed in the media was curvy lighter complexion women (the complete opposite of me).  These images began to infiltrate my mind and wreak havoc on my self-esteem.

Merriam-Webster defines insecurity as being, “not confident in yourself or your ability to do things well: nervous and uncomfortable.” The “nervous” and “uncomfortable” descriptors were definitely me back then.  It’s funny though, because I would have never described myself as insecure.  Instead, I would have shrugged off that label and attributed my inhibitions to my shyness or reserved personality.  However, as I reflect, I am now able to see that I was indeed insecure.  And that insecurity lasted throughout my college years.  

As a matter of fact, some of my most foolish mistakes are centered around my insecurities.  One in particular involves me entering the world of dating while being self conscious. I was regrettably a partaker in D.W.I (dating while insecure)! Dating with unresolved insecurities can lead you into dangerous territories.  It can put you in vulnerable states in which people can prey on those insecurities and use them to control you.  When we are not confident and self-assured, we are more susceptible to being adversely influenced by the opinions of others, as well as, the tactics of the enemy.  

A few years ago, I dated a man who frequently made negative remarks about my clothing.  Prior to meeting him, I actually liked the way I dressed.   Yet, after a while, I noticed that I became increasingly uncertain about my sense of style.  I allowed his opinions to influence the way I presented myself.  These small comments about my clothes impacted my self-image and decision-making.  This situation caused my insecurities about my appearance to grow deeper.  This is a prime example of how insecurities work.  They feed off one another and continue to poison your mind.  As a result, you end up attached to the opinions of others, seeking affirmation.  Their thoughts become your identity.

Oftentimes, insecure people don’t recognize their value.  Therefore, they end up being linked to people who do not mean them well.  Commonly, their insecurities imprison them and keep them stuck in toxic relationships. I know this, because I was once this person.

But, here I am today, a reformed insecure person.  I have allowed myself to be single for a while.  During this season of singleness, I have taken time out to get to know God on a deeper level.  I can happily report that this is one of the best decisions I ever made.  Through studying God’s word, I was able to internalize His thoughts about me (Jeremiah 29:11).  I was able to trust His word and believe that I am the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8)…a prized possession (James 1:18)…wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  I was able to identify and utilize the gifts He has blessed me with (which includes creating this blog).  Through one-on-one time with The Lord, I was able to experience His perfect and faithful love.  I was able to see that despite my faults, I am still cherished by the Creator of the universe.  

Sure, I have plenty of imperfections.  However, God lovingly reveals my flaws to me, not to chastise me, but to correct me.  And for that, I am forever thankful.  My experiences with the Father have taught me that our imperfections don’t have to become our insecurities.  So, before settling down with someone, get to know you…get to know God… allow yourself time to grow and mature.

The Lord has confirmed that I am outwardly beautiful.  But more importantly, He revealed to me my inner beauty.  Now that I know who I am in Christ, I am not letting anyone or anything chip at my self-esteem ever again.  So, when “Mr. Just Right For Me” enters my life, I will be ready.  I will be able to confidently stand next to him and be the woman God has designed me to be.  I will be able to use my gifts to add to his life and he will be able to do the same. 

But, in the meantime, I am confident enough to wait for who I deserve.  I am now secure enough to know that with or without a man, I am whole…I am loved…I am cherished. No more D.W.I. for me!

#BreakOut

My Netflix Situation

It was Labor Day 2015.  I had absolutely no plans.  No cookout to attend.  No date to get ready for.  No beach trip to pack for.  Nothing!  So, I decided that I would have a “lazy day” one that consisted of eating, relaxing, and watching Netflix.  Now part of me felt sad because I had nothing exciting to do.  Because I am a young single woman, I felt like I needed to be OUT! You know, doing something fun…making memories…hanging out with friends.  Oh well, here I was at home - just me, my comfort food, and my Netflix having quality time. 

After plopping on my couch and searching the Netflix catalog, I finally settled on a TV series to watch.  From the first episode, I was hooked! It had just enough drama, laughter, and unexpected twists and turns to keep me entertained.  I experienced a myriad of emotions while watching the episodes.  I laughed, got frustrated, and yelled at the TV when a character annoyed me.  But overall, I enjoyed the storyline.  Then, it happened…

After watching several episodes, out of the blue, one of my favorite characters died! I was so upset and even felt like crying!  I couldn’t believe it.  I couldn’t even finish that episode because I was just that distraught over that FICTIONAL character’s death! Well, it’s been almost a week and I still don’t feel ready to finish the episode.  I just don’t want to risk feeling those feelings again.    

When I stopped the program I looked at the clock and realized that I had been sitting on the couch for almost six hours!!! I had become so emotionally attached and involved in the characters that I didn’t notice how much time had gone by.  I sat there for a few moments and processed what happened.  I went through a range of emotions – joy, frustration, hope, pain – for something that was not real at all.  

Unfortunately, we do the same thing in our everyday lives.  We become emotionally, mentally, and spiritually connected to situations that don’t even matter.  For example, gossip, old relationships, and petty interpersonal conflicts are all examples of senseless “situations”.  We allow these “situations” to burden us, sadden us, trouble us, and evoke bitterness and fear in us.  However, we don’t have to go through all of that.  

Colossians 3:2 tells us to set our minds on things above, not on earthly things.  Things of this earth (external stressors, financial issues, failed relationships) will not last.  However, God’s love, peace, power, and joy will last forever.  His Word is a sturdy foundation that we can stand firmly upon.  As His children, we are the heirs of His promises.  We are called to focus on these eternal blessings.  By internalizing this principle, we make ourselves less susceptible to emotional baggage. 

I notice that we often give too much of our energy to nonsense.  We hand over our thoughts to things that won’t even matter in the long run.  Remember, we have been instructed to fix our thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, lovely, and pure (Philippians 4:8).  So, when a “situation” at work has you feeling incompetent, know that you can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13).  When you encounter a “situation” in which people are saying negative things about you, remember The Lord says, “I know the thoughts I think towards You (Jeremiah 29:11).”  For God’s thoughts are the ones that really matter.   

So let’s focus on things that really matter.  Let’s give our energy to relevant and eternal matters.  I believe my Netflix incident serves as a good reminder of how we get emotionally burdened and attached to insignificant affairs.  So today, I encourage you to break free from trivial matters and break out from the bondage of irrelevant circumstances.  #BreakOut

Judgement in the Streets

This past weekend, my girls and I visited New Orleans! It was so much fun catching up with them, joking around, and making wonderful new memories which I am sure we will talk about for years to come.  This was my first visit to New Orleans.  I’ve always wanted to go there to experience their culture, eat beignets, and listen to live jazz on the streets (and I did just that!) 

The first night my friends and I decided to grab a bite to eat and explore the infamous Bourbon Street.  There was so much activity on that bustling street! I felt like I was experiencing sensory overload! The crowd was diverse with many races, ages, and backgrounds.  There were hundreds of people walking, laughing, and dancing down the street.  It was quite a lively atmosphere! Some of the things I saw shocked me, though.  There were strippers and half naked women prancing and dancing down the street (which was a lot for a small-town girl like me to see).  But overall, it was an animated and interesting experience.

Also on that energetic street was a small Christian group.  They stood in the middle of the street with a makeshift cross they had erected.  This group was not smiling.  They did not appear to be friendly or approachable. They did not attempt to “converse” with others.   They just stood there talking among themselves around the cross. Many people passed by them and I did not notice them speak directly to anyone.  Yet, there was an unspoken message that resounded loudly: You are a sinner.  You need to turn from your wicked ways and follow The Lord. 

When I walked passed the group an older gentleman handed me a small flyer which read “God loves you.”  That was it.  No conversation.  No greeting.  No smile - just a piece of paper with a message that did not match the old man’s demeanor.  Now, to some this may not be a big deal because God does love me.  But, I felt slighted and instantly judged as a sinner.  Yes, me…a believer…with an inspirational blog…who attends church regularly…and has a relationship with God…felt judged.

This led me to wonder how non-believers and those who may not have been introduced to Jesus yet may have felt when walking past this group. Did they also feel judged? Did they feel labeled? Did they feel uncomfortable? Let me be clear, I respect the Christian group’s intent and I think it is wonderful that they want to share God’s word with the lost.  However, I believe that their approach could be improved. I wonder if that group influenced any to accept Jesus during that weekend.  The message they handed me is absolute good news and this good news is something that should be excitedly shared!  However, it’s difficult for non-believers to accept our message if we are not examples of it.  Our God is compassionate towards us (Psalm 103:8) and He loved us while we were still sinners.   He demonstrated that love by sending His Son to die for us (Romans 5:8).  His love covers a multitude of sins and He keeps no record of wrongs (1 Peter 4:8 and 1 Corinthians 13:5).  There are many who are living in opposition to God’s way mainly because they do not know that God truly loves them.   Let us show them God’s love and His desire to have them become a part of His family.  Let us share God’s word and speak His truths with joy and with a smile.  We need to do more than just make a statement on Facebook, or post a picture on Instagram, or wear a cross to show forth our relationship with God.  Instead, let us mirror His love.  You know how the expression goes, actions speak louder than words.  So as believers, we can’t just talk the talk…we have to walk the talk!  I believe the group of believers would have been more effective if they stood there with the cross and smiled at people and engaged them in conversation about the faith. 

So today, I encourage you to reflect on how you share God’s message with others.  More importantly, does your lifestyle and demeanor mimic God’s message?  Remember, we are stepping up this year.  But as we elevate spiritually we must not exalt ourselves and look down on those who are struggling.  #BreakOut     

Step Up

Declaration:  I am Stepping UP!  There, I said it and I’m doing it!  I’ve received revelation from God and it’s my belief that this Word wasn’t just for me, but that it was for some of you, too!  See, for the past year, God has given me a recurring vision.  In this vision the scene is constant, but my position continues to change.   For example, in the very first vision, I was locked up in a cell, something like a cage, on the edge of a beautiful green meadow.   I was positioned behind bars, but a beautiful grassy meadow was before me.   A few weeks later, I saw myself, again - still in the same cell, but this time the gate was open.  I was no longer locked in.  Freedom was before me; but I could not move.  I wanted to, but for some reason I couldn’t.   Over the course of a few months, the vision returned.  In this vision the cell was there, but I had moved out of it and was running around the green pasture. I was finally free!  Praise the Lord!  I was no longer contained in the cell.  I was able to experience the grassy meadow before me and I rejoiced in the new found freedom.   I was so excited because I recognized that The Lord had delivered me from spiritual bondage.  I was very content with this new phase of the vision.  But, I soon found out that God wasn’t….

A few months later, God showed me the same scene and this time, I was standing on a large flower. Suddenly, the flower’s stem began to sprout and shoot high into the sky (with me still on it).  We rose so high that I could barely see the field below or what was happening in it.   I was overjoyed in my spirit after this vision because I knew that this was a sign that God was elevating me.  Not only was He elevating me, but He was also separating me from earthly things that had me bound.  He was breaking me free from insecurities, bitterness, regrets, and fear.  He was making provision for me to soar into my promise.  I found so much comfort in this new revelation because I recognized and knew that God was in control.  He was enlarging my territory, shifting my focus on things above, and showing me a new perspective and fresh possibilities.  Each time I pictured that scene in my mind, I got happy! This new development lasted for about a month. But God still had more to show me…

In the next vision I was still standing on top of the flower, high in the sky when out of the blue steps appeared!  These steps were almost invisible.  They didn’t connect to the ground and I couldn’t tell how far into the sky they reached.  They were clear, like glass suspended in the sky.  I could not see the end of the steps and neither did I know where they would take me. I was curious but felt a nudge in my spirit that this next phase would require a deliberate act of faith on my part.  It would require me to trust God with the next steps of my life.  It would require me to trust that He knows where He wants me to go.  I would stand on that flower or step up to the next level of God’s promise.

So, I said it earlier.  I’ve made a decision!  I declare that I am going to step up!  If I am going to reach the potential He has placed in me I must step up.  This next form of elevation is going to require me to get out of my comfort zone, to fully rely on Him, and trust His provisions.  So, what does stepping up look like? For me, stepping up is about breaking out of my shell, becoming bold, and maximizing my gifts to spread the gospel, just to name a few.  For some, stepping up may be forgiving someone who has wronged you, or getting back up after you’ve been knocked down, or getting more involved in ministry.  

I share these visions, because I don’t believe this Word is just for me.  I believe that there are many of you, God’s children, who need to step up.  There are many people who don’t believe the gospel of Jesus.  So, as Believers, we need to step up and share the good news of Christ.  There are many who are struggling with low self-esteem, depression, and thoughts of suicide.  So, as Christians, we need to step up and spread the endless love of our Heavenly Father.  Sadly, there are many who feel hopeless.  So, as God’s people we need to step up and share the wonderful hope that our Savior provides.  I’ve made the decision to step up.  Who’s with me?

#BreakOut

My Words Unlocked My Freedom

Earlier this year, I had quite a dark dream.  The entire dream was in black and white.  A sense of chaos…fear…and loss were highly prevalent.  The dream was centered in some sort of post-apocalyptic era.  There were numerous deaths and missing persons.  Buildings were torn down.  Streets and businesses were cluttered with litter and trash.  It looked as though an explosion or tornado had swept through the city.  To sum it all up, the entire scene was very dreary, sad, and chilling. 

In the dream, I was standing on a sidewalk and noticed a sign that read: “12/1/1996: AWFUL LIVING HAS BEGUN.”  I was puzzled after reading the sign, so I began talking to God.  I said, “But Lord, you did not call me to live an awful life.  You called me to live a good and victorious life (1 Corinthians 15:57).” As soon as I spoke those words, I was instantly pulled (yes, literally PULLED!) out of that scene.  Then, I woke up.

I believe God used this dream to illustrate and remind me that death and life is in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).  As soon as I spoke God’s promises, my environment/situation changed.  My words unlocked my freedom!  The Word of God declares that The Lord has good plans for us - to prosper us, and not for harm.  He desires to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).  Therefore, in my dream, when my situation did not line up with God’s promises, I knew something was off.  Although my circumstances and atmosphere appeared horrid and hopeless, I had faith that God’s word would prevail over my life. 

This leads to my second point.  Faith without works is dead (James 2:17)!  We can believe God and remain steadfast in hope.  However, we need to accompany that faith with action.  In the dream, not only did I have faith that God desired better for me, but I acted on that faith by boldly speaking God’s promises over my life.  Even though my situation seemed hopeless, I did not behave like a hopeless person.  I did not sit and have a pity party; nor wait for my own demise.  No! I prayed about the matter and took my concerns directly to God! I spoke or reminded God of His promise to me. The words I spoke, my actions, my attitude were driven by a desire to live an abundant life (John 10:10) because that is what God promised me.

So, are you currently in what appears to be a desolate situation?  Do you feel depressed, worried and/or confused about what is going on in your life? Are you functioning in life…going through the motions day by day…but not truly enjoying life the way God intended?  If so, I wonder what would happen if you spoke God’s provision…His peace…His love…His healing…His joy over your life? I bet it would set you free.  I bet you would feel a release from the bondage or place of desolation.  Go ahead and try it.  Defeat the enemy by speaking faith-filled words! DECLARE God’s Promises!  I dare you…

#BreakOut         

You Look Better in My Light

Ok, so I have a confession…I absolutely LOVE taking selfies!  Selfies are photographs that individuals take of themselves, usually with a smartphone.  I take selfies everywhere - in the car, at work, at home, and when I’m getting ready to have a night out with friends.  I’ve mastered the art of taking the selfie at the right angle.  However, I often struggle with trying to find the right lighting for the picture.  Depending on the light, the picture may come out too dark, too bright, or too red. This often causes me to take many shots just to get the right picture. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the backyard playing with Abby, my pet dog, and I decided to take a few selfies of me with Abby.  To my delight, every picture I took seemed just right (perfect lighting, nice smile, vibrant skin)!  As I was marveling at the pictures, I heard in my spirit, “you look better in My light.”  I instantly smiled to myself as I thought about just how awesome our Heavenly Father is.  His natural light created the perfect atmosphere for the right picture. 

So let me take this a step further.  As Christians, we are called to be the light of the world (Matthew 5: 14-15).  See, when God’s light shines on us, the very best comes through.  Our countenance, our demeanor, our spirit drastically changes when we allow the Holy Spirit to enter in and take charge of our life.  God’s light includes His favor, grace, faithful love, and ultimately His Spirit.  When we abide in God, His light shines brilliantly in our lives.  In turn, our light causes others to come closer to God.

God’s light also causes us to see ourselves differently. While taking the selfies in the yard, I didn’t notice the dog stain on my shirt, or the fact that my lipstick had faded.  Instead, I saw the beautiful way that God created me.  I saw His craftsmanship, His creativity, and His beauty.  The light of God destroys darkness (evil thoughts, pessimistic thinking, low self-esteem, etc). It allowed me to focus on my strengths, and not the weaknesses that the enemy often attempts to highlight.

So today, I encourage you to seek God.  Don’t focus on past mistakes and failures.  Free yourself from negative thinking by meditating on God’s word.  Ask Him to open your eyes so that you can see yourself the way He sees you.  Most importantly, let us walk in love and allow His light to shine through you.  #BREAKOUT